Long time...

Yes, I'm still alive. I'm sitting here listening to the wind whip the ice and snow off of the trees onto the roof. Yup, I said ice and snow. It's April gosh darnit!!! Winter weather adivisory on the first weekend of April. Hello??!! I live in NE!! Where is spring???!!!
I'm doing much better. The meds are working and I start therapy soon. My job might actually turn around. They are forming a technical support group with a new hire to be my supervisor. That will help my situation A LOT!! I think this job could turn into the job I thought I was getting when I got hired. I'm excited. So school is on the back burner for now. It's always an option but if this job can turn around, I might actually like it there.
I'm branching out and getting a life without Dan. I kind of made him my world since we moved out here and that's not healthy. I need my own friends and time to be away from him. I relied on him to create my social life and I hid behind him when making friends. It was always "Dan & Jane" not "Just Jane". Will & Grace just popped into my head "Just Jack". Anyway, I'm getting friends at work and going out with them. It's fun and I find I'm not so lonely. Still miss my family though.
On Monday I had 2 crowns seated without novacaine. Well, that was the most fun I've had in a while. NOT!! Getting air and water blown on exposed roots should be considered as a form of torture. I almost jumped out of my skin!
I am still taking ballroom classes with Dan. We have 30 group lessons to attend still, so we'll be at it for quite some time. I like it. It's fun and gets us out of the house. We have both decided to quit drinking for a while. I should anyway bc of the meds. We'll try and find other ways to amuse ourselves. Games, cards, puzzles... there's plenty to do.
It sucks having to admit to being grown up when all of our friends are at least 4-5 years younger than me. That's why work friends are cool. More my age and more in common. We can have intelligent discussions and not drink our faces off. Wow, adult friends. Big step.
I'm getting excited to go visit Pi and family at the end of the month. Warm weather and little nieces. Who could ask for anything more?
Well, gonna go watch a movie and wait for Dan to get off of work. Typical Sunday for me. Fingers crossed that no big branches fall off the trees onto the house. Next weekend looks WAY better. Temps in the 60s. Finally! I'll try and update more and things unfold. Here's to better mental health for all!

And the diagnosis is...

Well, I'm depressed. Shocker. I'm on anti-depressants. It is like night and day with my mood. I still hate my job but I don't cry about it anymore. They made me really tired at first but I think I'm getting used to them now. I actually have the motivation to work out after work! And I love our Wii Fit. It rocks! I kick ass at the hula hoop games.
Pi suggested that I take a look at going back to school. I found a campus in Omaha. They also have an online school. I was thinking about nutrition. I took a course for fun in college and I really liked it. The school only offers a BS in nutrition but then I would have 2 Bachelor's degrees. That's something to be pround of and would look good on resume. I would only take 1 class a semester bc I would still be at my shitty job. They offer tuition reimbursement but it has to be a course related to what I'm doing. So like chemistry or the like. Boo. So 1 class at a time works for me.
Things are starting to turn around for me. I'm happier than I have been in a long time. I am getting more energy from working out and I have a better outlook on things. I'm going to visit Pi in April. She had a baby girl. I'm so excited to see all of them. Dan can't go, bummer. Next time. Well, gotta run and figure out dinner. Here's looking on the bright side of life for once!! Woo hoo!

It's not a tumor

So picture Arnold saying "It's not a tumor" in 'Kindergarten Cop'. I talked to Mama Starla yesterday and we have concluded that my muscle pain is... plantar fasciitis. There is a tendon that runs the length of your foot. If it gets tight it can cause pain and swelling in the calf muscle. No blood clot.
I realized after talking with my mom that I have this pair of shoes that I wear to work which make me walk differently. A cause of plantar fasciitis is if your feet roll inward too much when you walk (excessive pronation). I know I was doing that the other day b/c my feet will swell and contract throughout the day. This makes the shoes sometimes too big on me. So I was rolling my foot to keep it from falling off.
Many thanks to Starla for helping me diagnose this problem. It's not a tumor. Phew. Crisis averted as sis Pi would say.

Happy Valentine's Day

It's been a while... We had a great Superbowl party. Too much food and too much beer. I did have the Monday after it off so we could clean the house and nurse our hangovers. I ended up calling in on Tuesday. Sometimes I wake up and I cannot go into work. It didn't help that Dan was on vacation until Wednesday. We spent the day together. I usually feel I should accomplish something on my days off but I just relaxed. Weird, right?

My "head" doctor appointment is on Tuesday. I'm scared and excited at the same time. No one ever wants to hear that there's something wrong with them but in my case I kinda do. I hate my job. I don't use the word hate lightly. This job has sucked the life and sanity out of me and I hope that therapy can help me through.

Dan, of course, thinks he has to fix my problems. It kills him that he can't fix me. I'm hoping to get advice on how to deal with him as well as my job. We're ok so far but he thinks I should be happy and if he can't make me happy... it makes him sad.

We normally cook a grand dinner for Valentine's but this year we're going out. I wanted to go to the restaraunt we went to on my birthday but typical man waited until the last minute to get a reservation. So, of course, no openings. We're going to a burger joint near us, Goldberg's, where we went on my actual birthday. They had the best sloppy joes!

I'm trying to see the brigher side of life. I try and leave work at work but at night when I can't fall asleep all I think about is work. Boo. To combat that we have ballroom on Tues. and Thurs. nights at 9pm. This helps me fall asleep b/c I'm trying to remember the steps while I'm falling asleep. We're getting pretty good. But this means they are going to try and sell us more lessons. Both Dan and I are terrible at saying "no". I mean, if it's a telemarketer I can say no b/c they are a stranger. But our dance teacher is kind of our friend now and it will be harder. But we are not willing to pay for more lessons when we're happy with what we have now.

It snowed all day today and I got to leave work after lunch. Sweet! Dan tried to start the snow blower but it wasn't happening so he shoveled. I would've helped but I'm fighting what I think is a severe muscle strain in my right calf muscle. I woke up on Thursday and I thought I must've had a weird dream where I flexed or pointed my foot all night. But I woke up again this morning with it. I could barely put weight on my right heel. Try taking a shower like that... not fun:(

If it doesn't go away by tomorrow I'm going to the emergeny care center b/c I looked at webmd and now I'm worried that I have a blood clot. I like webmd and all but it always tells you the most dire outcome. If you have a headache it's a brain tumor. If I have a muscle cramp it's a blood clot. Stupid internet. I don't think it's a blood clot b/c it's not warm to the touch and there is no discoloration. Heat seems to help. I took a bath and that was GREAT! I have the heating pad on while I'm watching TV. I don't want to spend Valentine's Day getting an ultrasound of my calf only to have them tell me it's a muscle strain and I should take Tylenol and stay off it. Oh, thanks, here's $200 for that. We'll see.

I wish everyone a happy and loving Valentine's Day. Don't go buy extravegant gifts. Just let the other person know they are loved and will always be loved. Don't give in to the spending of this made up holiday! Go out to eat or eat in. As long as you can enjoy each other, that's all that matters. I love my family and friends. Have a good weekend, Valentine or not.

Yup, I'm 30

Here is my awesome cookie cake for my 30th birthday. Thank you to all who sent cards and emails.

It wasn't that bad. It didn't hurt :)

My visit with my mom was great! We went shopping and went out to dinner a couple of times. I did cry but only b/c I thought I broke the wash machine. And b/c my cookie/cake was awesome!

I actually did break the washer. One of my little socks was stuck in the drain pump line so the washer was filled with 5-6 inches of water. A $30 service call fixed that and I just had to swallow the embarassment.

Mom and I got to go to the Joslyn Art Museum. I haven't been there since our wedding.
That's almost 2 years ago! I should go more often but the only time it's free admission is on Saturday mornings and Dan is always working! Boo to having no friends.

We are gearing up for our huge Superbowl extravaganza. We host an annual party and serve beer and lots of food. It's always fun. We watch Puppybowl on Animal Planet instead of the normal half-time show. And yes, Bruce Springsteen in the king but, he's old and lame. Puppies running around in a pen is WAY cuter! I recommend that to anyone looking for an alternative to the half-time show.

My goal for next week is to go a week without crying. I think I can do it. Dan and I have ballroom 2x a week now so that will keep my mind off of hating my job. Always look for the positve, right? I'll probably post pics from the party on Sunday. We're rooting for the Cardinals since they are the underdogs. Looking forward to better times ahead. I filled out a job app. when mom was visiting. More will get filled out soon.

Go Cards!!

Happy New Year... Finally!

Happy New Year's!! I know I'm a little late but better late than never. We had people over for the celebration. We got RockBand II from Pi and had an awesome time. But I learned never give guys pointy hats(see photo). Ha ha.

In other news, Dan & I won a Wii at his holiday party. AWESOME!!! Although I get "Wii arm" from playing bowling and tennis. My shoulder feels like I threw it out. I know you don't actually have swing as hard as I do but I can't help it. We downloaded some old-school Nintendo games today. I got Bubble Bobble. Anyone remember that? We got TMNT too. For those who don't remember, that's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It rocks. You can go online and surf the web on the big TV now. Super cool.

In other cool news Dan and I are taking ballroom dance lessons. A studio was giving complementary lessons and I said yes. They basically show you one step and then sit you down and try to sell you lessons. We decided to do it. It's really fun, new and challenging and it gets us out of the house. We learned all of the basic latin dances the other night. We're ok and we come home after and practice in the kitchen. I thought it would be hard for me b/c I always danced ballet and jazz by myself. It is hard learning to be lead. I end up leading some of the time. At least I can recognize it and try to stop myself. It keeps my mind off of my job and that relieves some of my anxiety.

I'm going to look for another job. I'm also seeking professional help for being depressed about my current job. I dropped the "I'm ashamed" attitude and decided to call someone. I was really proud of myself b/c part of my problem is that I don't like to make phone calls. Hard to reach out for help when I can't reach out and pick up the phone. Things are looking up.

On that positive note, my Mama Starla is coming to visit in 2 days. She will be here to help me turn 30. I know I shouldn't think of it as a bad thing but 30 is a big number. I feel I should have all these milestones completed and I don't. No kids, no house, no job I love. Oh well, I'm working on it.

In the random news category... I've found a billion people I went to high school with on Facebook. Some I'm not to keen too chat with and some that I can't believe I found. It's nice to be able to communicate with people again. I don't really care for the new look of Facebook but I'm adjusting. It feels overwhelming b/c of all the applications and requests from people. I've decided to not let that be on my list of anxieties.

I think that's all for now. It was hard going without a PC for a while. We decided to dump pictures, music, videos, etc. to an external hard drive and then re-install Windows and everything. Well, try re-installing Windows on a 9 year old PC. Yeah, not a good idea. We also got a 120gig iPod. That thing rocks! You can put movies, music, videos and pictures on it. We do have some good ideas. I'll try and post more often now that we have all this cool sh**.

Just a quick note

I've been out of commission for a while b/c we had to get a new PC :( So I have photos from New Year's Eve to load and much to say. This is just a quick note to let my loyal followers (haha) know that I am not dead and will get to this as soon as I have time. My mom is coming to visit and I'm going to turn 30 soon so a lot is going on. Promise I'll update later!!